No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Submitted by: The Gunny

While sitting in the middle of the desert in Kuwait, I had the opportunity to observe and, unfortunately, interact with various forms of wildlife that I had never seen before. There were strange new birds, spiders, rats, and a plethora of creepy reptiles to watch. Unfortunately, the various species of rats were fond of crawling into our sleeping bags for warmth at night. I had packed a small government-issue tent with me, so I was lucky enough to not have any companions in the night. Others were less fortunate, and would often awake to some sort of furry little rodent scurrying around in their sleeping bag. Whenever I heard something like, "What the hell! Son of a bitch!" in the middle of the night, I knew that another Marine had made a new friend.

One early morning, while walking from my spot in the sand to a more open area in order to do my business, I saw a lizard sitting in the middle of our main dirt road. It appeared to be slightly wounded, and I knew that if it remained there, it would surely be run over by one of the many vehicles that routinely moved about the encampment. Being the generous person that I am, I picked up the little reptile, with plans to simply take it into the open field and release it in a safer spot. I had played with lizards and horned toads as a young kid, and was in no way frightened by them. I had no idea if this particular species was venomous or not, so I donned one of my leather gloves to pick him up with (I wasn't sure if it was a him or a her, but we'll stick with "him" for simplicity).

I continued on my way, and walked into the field across the road to pick a good spot to recycle some instant coffee. I was actually talking to him as I walked along. "Plenty of bugs for you to get after over here buddy." I set the little lizard down in the dirt and said a well meant, "There you go little feller." I had no sooner unbuttoned my trousers when the biggest spider I had ever seen appeared out of a small hole in the ground and snatched the lizard up in it's furry fangs and legs. It then drug the lizard down into its hole. "Holy crap!" It was startling and creepy. I instantly thought about how much that lizard must be thanking me for my "good deed." Oh well, I guess the spider was thankful for the free meal.