How to Annoy your XO
Submitted by: Taco Bell, Pilot at Large
As a young officer and member
of the JOPA (junior officer protection association), this will be a collection
of things you can do to annoy your Executive Officer. Our XO in my first fleet Squadron was a real
piece of work. His job was the “bad cop”
and he played it well. Lets say that his name was Major Ima
Pain, call sign “Sunshine” because of the stuff he didn’t blow up your rear.
It was our job as the junior company grade officers to
harass him as much as we could possibly get away with. So, this is a short list of what you can do
to drive your XO nuts and things that we did. Of course, I didn’t do anything,
but am just passing on things that others did.
Feel free to do the same things to your XO if you would like, and leave
me some stories at ‘Thesandgram’ at yahoo dot com,
and I will put together a collection of stories for the blog.
1.
Have the boys
down in the flight equipment shop make up a set of name tags with his name on
it but with your rank. Then when you go
on the road (trip) you put his name on your flight suit and jacket. This works wonders when word gets back to the
Squadron about the wild antics of Lt. Ima Pain in the
Rota O’Club.
2.
When he is on
leave, put his house up for sale. The
next day when he returns to work…priceless!
3.
If he is follicly challenged and does the comb-over, go to yard
sales and buy broken hair dryers, then leave them on
top of his wall locker in the shower room.
4.
Also, half used
bottles of shampoo work well placed on his locker.
5.
When no one is
around, change his callsign on the Squadron Ops board
from “SunShine” to “Santa” or “Tigger”
or “Teddy Bear” something that a kinder gentler type guy would like.
6.
If you have
friends in the police office pass and tags division, then snag a couple of
Generals Stars that you put on his beat up old crappy Volvo. Going from a Major to a General isn’t too
bad…
7.
Put a glass half
full of milk on the bottom shelf of his book case. It will take him about a week to figure out
that smell.
8.
Put some hard
core Italian Porno mags in his suitcase while his
bags are strapped down in the back of the cargo bay, only on the last leg of
the trip right before you land.
9.
Wait about three
months and he stops searching his suitcases after a trip and then sneak some gay porn in his bag…Then imagine what excuses he
is telling his wife that night…
10.
Sneak in his
office and write “Gay national pride day” on every third Friday of each month.
11.
Leave bottles of
butter milk in the fridge down in the ready room with his name on it.
12.
Always spell his
name wrong on the flight schedule to Ime Paine.
13.
Leave a post it
note on his desk with a message to call the Group C.O. at a certain number and
then go to each place and have them say “Sir, he was just here and left for the
base barber shop, call him at 919-466-6079, then have Moe over at the shop send
him to the seven day store, etc. etc. etc. this one takes some coordination but
is lots of fun.
14.
Put your empty
beer cans in his office trash can.
15.
Finally, give his
name out to all the nasty local gals you meet in Havelock NC with his office
phone number and say, “Give me a shout and we’ll meet for lunch.”